Psychotherapy for fear of abandonment or closeness

You fear that someone will leave you, or you withdraw when real closeness comes. For some people these two fears alternate: they move closer, then pull away. Such patterns rarely arise by chance. They mostly originate in early experiences of attachment and repeat in romantic, friendly and working relationships.

How fear of abandonment and fear of closeness show up

Fear of abandonment can show up as jealousy, a need for constant reassurance, difficulty bearing being alone, or attaching quickly to people. Fear of closeness can show up as withdrawal, cooling the relationship, avoiding vulnerability, or a feeling of being trapped. Sometimes both are present: you long for closeness, but when you get it you cannot bear it. This does not mean something is wrong with you, but that the psyche once found a way of protecting you that may no longer serve you today.

How the pattern repeats

The same pattern often appears in different relationships. In a romantic relationship it shows up as constantly checking whether the other still loves you, or as withdrawal as soon as the relationship becomes serious. In friendships as a feeling that you are always the one who tries harder, or as difficulty trusting. At work as fear of rejection and difficulty asking for help. Because the reactions are often automatic and fast, they are hard to recognise on your own, but that does not mean they cannot change.

A psychoanalytic view of fear of abandonment

In psychoanalysis we understand that early relationships with those close to us imprint on the way we experience love, dependence and loss. What was not said or worked through in the past often shows itself in present relationships, and also in the relationship with the therapist.

That is why the therapeutic relationship is an important space where the pattern can show itself, where we understand it together, and where you can often experience a different kind of closeness for the first time.

Psychotherapy for fear of abandonment in practice

In practice, we explore in which situations the fear intensifies, what happens in your body and thoughts at those times, and where similar feelings appear earlier in your past. It often involves experiences where you had no room for your own needs or feared that someone would leave you if you showed who you are.

How I work with fear of abandonment

I work with the relationship, with feeling, and with what has not yet been put into words. I am not only looking for a way to get rid of the fear, but for what it is telling you. Once we understand it, the need to withdraw or cling often lessens. Therapy takes place weekly, in Ljubljana or online.

When to seek help

It makes sense to seek help if the same painful scenario keeps repeating in your relationships, if fear of abandonment or closeness limits your choice of people, if you feel trapped or constantly on guard in relationships, or if past losses and rejections still weigh on you. You do not need to know where the fear comes from to begin; we explore that together.

What to expect

At the start we agree on three introductory sessions (45–50 minutes each), in which you see how I work and how we connect. We then agree on regular weekly sessions, in Ljubljana or online. A session costs €80. You can book by phone, WhatsApp or e-mail; see the Booking page for more.

Help with fear of abandonment in Ljubljana

I offer psychoanalytic psychotherapy for fear of abandonment in Ljubljana or online (by video call). At the beginning we agree on three introductory sessions (45–50 minutes each), in which you see how I work and whether psychoanalytic psychotherapy suits you. After that we agree on regular weekly sessions.

If tension or fear appears in closeness or at the possibility of loss, we can explore together where this fear comes from and how it shows up in your relationships.

More about how psychotherapy works and how to book an appointment.

Frequently asked questions about fear of abandonment

Does psychotherapy help with fear of abandonment?

Psychoanalytic psychotherapy for fear of abandonment does not look only for a way to ease the difficulty, but for an understanding of what it is communicating. I work with the causes of distress and not only with the distress as expressed. Once we find the cause, and during the psychotherapeutic process, symptoms often ease or disappear.

How long does psychotherapy for fear of abandonment take?

Duration is individual and depends on the therapeutic goal and on how long the difficulties have been present. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy can last from a few months to a few years. One session lasts 45 to 50 minutes; usually once a week, and by arrangement sometimes several times a week.

Why do the same patterns repeat in relationships?

Patterns that formed in the past often repeat in present relationships without our being aware of it. Because they also show up in the relationship between us, we can observe and understand them together.